Getting Married?
Are you thinking of getting married or newly-weds who want to do the best they can to start on the right food and build a solid marriage from the beginning?
Or have you been married for a while and are looking for ways to help you better appreciate your spouse and make the marriage even better?
Do you feel like your relationship has plateaued and you’re both currently coasting?
Does it feel like the spark is gone?
Or do you feel like the marriage is fine, but there could be more?
If you’re dealing with any of these issues and are looking for ways to improve your marriage, the tips here will help you.
First, so you can build a rock-solid marriage, treat each other with great respect.
While this applies to both spouses, it is particularly for the men.
Men arguably require respect more than they need love. Let that sink in for a moment.
Men who are respected by their partners almost always reciprocate the gesture with incredible love. This is why Christ admonished men to love their wives, and the women to be submissive.
While the meaning of submission has been skewed and twisted into something heinous, the real meaning of submission is respect.
Men need respect. It’s at the core of who they are.
So, as the woman, you need to figure out what respect means to him.
Second, so you can build a rock-solid marriage, practice more non-sexual affection.
One of the reasons why many women are resistant to sex in marriage is because women feel like there’s a sexual meaning behind every touch from their husbands –even when that isn’t the case.
Men need to understand that while touching can lead to sex for women, that shouldn’t be the intention.
Some examples of non-sexual touching that can build incredible intimacy include:
- Briefly linking your hand with hers when you’re walking past,
- Hugging her tenderly for longer than 5 seconds, and
- Holding her hands when you’re hanging out on the couch.
Also, you can put your hand on the small of her back while you’re standing beside her, or open the door for her.
Third, so you can build a rock-solid marriage, seek to be an understanding person.
This is another one for the men, particularly when there are kids in the picture.
During the first pregnancy, most men are often very doting. But during the second one, for instance, men may not be as doting because they feel like their spouse can handle it better.
Yet, the second pregnancy can sometimes be tougher.
See this guide on Second Pregnancy: 11 Ways It’s Different From Your First for more information on how the second and even subsequent pregnancies can be different.
That being said, even when the woman isn’t pregnant, both partners need to practice understanding.
And understanding typically stems from patience.
Additionally, the reality is that even the best individuals have their “off days.”
You need to allow for some mistakes and understand that your partner will make mistakes –sometimes, very serious ones.
When your partner feels like they’re not being judged or criticized, they’ll open up to you in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.
Fourth, so you can build a rock-solid marriage, be quick to apologize.
This might be a pretty basic tip, but it is powerful.
The lack of apology or “contrition” is usually the soil on which resentment, anger, contempt, and eventually, hate are grown.
If you doubt that, think back to a point in your life where something small happened. And that seemingly small thing kept growing until it took on a life of its own, and became a pretty big issue.
Listen, resolve to apologize to your spouse whenever you wrong them. It doesn’t matter if you’re right and they are wrong, if they genuinely feel offended, don’t hesitate to apologize.
Say it with your words, gestures, and gifts. Here’s a smart idea: get some “apology” gifts in advance, no matter how small.
It may not seem like much, but the impact and thought behind it will smooth things over and you’ll both be able to move along very quickly.
Fifth, think before you speak.
Listen, we all feel that urge to speak our minds to our partners and be done with it. However, smart couples understand that the tongue being a “two-edged sword” can either heal and restore or ruin and destroy.
There’s the adage that says “when you’re angry, count to 10 before taking action or saying anything. And if you still feel like doing or saying something brash, keep counting until you’re calmer”.
Abe Lincoln once said that whenever he felt like writing a scathing letter to one of his subordinates, he would resolve to sleep on it and then write the letter the next day. He said it saved him from doing many irreparable damages to his relationships with his generals. We can all learn from this.
Don’t say anything to your spouse when you’re angry.
If you’re able, take a long walk or put some distance between you and them, and collect your thoughts in the process.
This seemingly small act will transform your marriage.
Sixth, so you can build a rock-solid marriage, spend more time talking to each other.
Quick question: when was the last time that you and your spouse actually hung out and just talked?
By talking, we mean having an interesting, deep conversation that has nothing to do with the kids, the house, the family, your coworkers, or your daily activities.
If it’s been a long time, it’s time for some self-assessment.
Many couples talk about everything except what truly matters. They discuss the kids, bills, work, traffic, extended family, and meals –or some variation of those. That’s it.
And yet, they wonder why they feel like they don’t feel as close to their partners anymore. So, make an effort at actually communicating and talking about any and everything.
If you haven’t done it in a while, it will probably feel forced. But, stick with it, and you’ll both rediscover your rhythm again.
Seventh, so you can build a rock-solid marriage, ignore pet peeves.
The late Ruth Bader Ginsburg once said that the best marital advice she got was from her mother-in-law. Her MIL told her that the secret to a long-lasting and happy marriage is that one has to be “a little deaf and a little blind.”
This means that you have to be willing to overlook many things your partner does and says.
Remember that unless your partner is a cruel person, they probably didn’t mean the harmful thing they said or did to you.
Of course, any form of abuse doesn’t apply. If your partner is abusive, you need to do something about that very quickly.
That being said, don’t take things to heart too much.
Indeed, develop a thick skin to certain remarks or actions. Most times, your partner probably didn’t mean to hurt you with their words or actions.
Remember this always: mistakes are a normal part of marriage.
Eighth, build up your partner.
When was the last time you built up your spouse?
When was the last time you told them that you were proud of them?
That you believed in them?
Or, that they are incredibly talented?
It’s probably been a while, hasn’t it?
Well, stop reading this right now and go tell them something amazing about themselves.
Call them, text them, write them a little note, or just walk up to them and just tell them right now.
Not tomorrow, not later, right now!
When you’re done, come back to finish this article. The point is to build up your partner every chance you get.
Finally, start a journal.
This is where you write down and describe everything you like, admire, and love about your partner daily.
The late Steven Covey swore by this method’s effectiveness at reviving dead marriages.
This is where you write the random act of kindness:
- the gentle pat he gave your neighbor’s dog,
- the tender way she helped carry an elderly woman’s bag,
- how she tilts her head delicately to one side when she applies her perfume,
- how lovely she smells when she walks by…
Truly, this is where you write down all the good and amazing things about your spouse.
Nothing negative goes in here. It’s all positive. And commit to doing it every day.
If there’s none at nightfall, keep looking until you find one.
This way, you’ll always seek the best in your spouse. You’ll notice it and praise it. Do this for long enough, and you will never take them for granted or treat them shabbily.
Do these things and watch your marriage blossom into the marriage of your dreams.
And, do you have any other ideas?
Feel free to share what’s worked for your marriage in the comments.
Were you encouraged by what you read?
Then, would you share this article with a friend, co-worker, or family member?
Or, maybe you can send it to a friend or family member?
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