The DANGER of Losing Your Child’s Heart!

The stories come in all shapes and sizes… from an outright loss to more subtle cases.

I offer two stories that stand out in particular, and a quiz to assess your parenting.

As parents, we want to win and keep our children's hearts for life. But, are we? Here is an honest article that takes a look at the danger of losing your child's heart and never regaining it again.

The DANGER of Losing Your Child’s Heart!

The first story

Is the story of a boy who grew up in a minister’s home.

He was the youngest of 3 brothers. The minister father traveled almost weekly to speak to groups around the globe. The sweet momma stayed home to take care of the boys.

During their growing up years, this youngest child didn’t follow the path of the older two children. He was more of a free spirit, experimenting, testing, and trying out the things of the world.

In high school, he got in with the wrong crowd and began to drink, try all sorts of drugs, and sleep around. He was quickly heading down a dangerous path.

All along, his ministry parents were almost clueless. They seemed to be too busy or maybe just too naïve to notice this youngest boy’s progression down the wrong path. Somehow they “missed” the signs and were quickly losing this kid.

In a final destructive act, the boy got in the car with another friend–both high on some drug. Their car crashed, and the boy was tragically killed.

We watched as those stunned parents tried to grapple with what had taken place, still unaware of how lost and distant their youngest son was at his death.

They had never won their child’s heart or understood his bent.

And, they lost him completely at a very young age.

As parents, we want to win and keep our children's hearts for life. But, are we? Here is an honest article that takes a look at the danger of losing your child's heart and never regaining it again.

The second story

Is the story of a much more subtle loss.

This second boy was also born into a Christian home. His parents were actively involved in the church and were devout in their faith. They took their children to church, read the Bible as a family, and made sure that the kids knew about Jesus.

However, this boy didn’t grow up with much love. His parents did all of the right things but didn’t enjoy raising their children. They didn’t seem to like playing with and hanging out with their children.

They were busy, professionals who had “more important” things on which to focus.

This second boy grew up feeling unwanted, unloved, and unimportant. His needs were provided for, but he never felt accepted by his parents.

He grew up being cared for but never really felt deeply loved. Adulthood found him empty and at a loss, in need of much counsel and affirmation.

Although this second boy never rebelled, he really struggled to understand how to love others. He had to learn to accept the love of God. His journey was a tough one.

The parents NEVER TRIED to win the heart of this second boy.

And, as an adult, he wanted nothing to do with them.

The danger

The danger of losing your child’s heart is that they will grow up and not want to be around you.

  • They will leave your house at about age 18 and not want to return again.
  • They will have children of their own, and not want to bring those babies to see you.
  • Or, they will politely spend time with you, but keep their hearts protected and their conversations shallow.

If you do not win and keep their hearts as little children, you will not enjoy them as they mature and grow older.

They will grow up and leave you–physically, emotionally, and in every other way.

The real and ultimate DANGER

Is that you never even realize you’ve lost their hearts until it is TOO LATE!

As parents, we want to win and keep our children's hearts for life. But, are we? Here is an honest article that takes a look at the danger of losing your child's heart and never regaining it again.

So, how are you doing as a parent?

As I close, I ask you to consider, pray over, and answer some honest questions by taking an assessment.

Choose one answer to each question:

1} Do you really have your children’s hearts? All of them?

__ Yes       __ No        __ Maybe    __ Doesn’t Apply

2} Is there open communication with your kids?

__ Yes       __ No        __ Maybe    __ Doesn’t Apply

3} If I were to question each of your children, would they tell me that they feel deeply loved by you?

__ Yes       __ No        __ Maybe    __ Doesn’t Apply

4} Do you think your kids enjoy being raised in your home?

__ Yes       __ No        __ Maybe    __ Doesn’t Apply

5} Is there joy and laughter in your home?

__ Yes       __ No        __ Maybe    __ Doesn’t Apply

6} Would your kids say that you value them and see them as worthy of your time and attention?

__ Yes       __ No        __ Maybe    __ Doesn’t Apply

7} Do you think your children will want to come back to see you when they are grown?

__ Yes       __ No        __ Maybe    __ Doesn’t Apply

8} If your kids are “away” from you right now, have you been praying for God to bring them back?

__ Yes       __ No        __ Maybe    __ Doesn’t Apply

9} If they are away, are you seeking to build a bridge with them again?

__ Yes       __ No        __ Maybe    __ Doesn’t Apply

10} For all parents, are you praying for God to give you the hearts of your children?

__ Yes       __ No        __ Maybe    __ Doesn’t Apply

*Now, tally up your score by looking back to see which answer got the most check marks:

___ Yes   ___ No    ___ Maybe   ___ Doesn’t Apply

Most of us have some work we can do as parents!

None of us is perfect at parenting or has it all figured out.

Prayer is the very best thing you and I can do to begin to build or rebuild a relationship with each of our children.

Also, we have created a new resource for parents that you may find very practical & helpful. 

It’s a new book/group study that you can read and complete on your own, as a couple, or in a small group setting.

It’s called, “How to Win Your Child’s Heart For Life.”

You can discover more about this new resource by clicking HERE.

Or, you can head over to to read more about the book. Click HERE to go to Amazon.

Were you encouraged today?

Would you share this article with a friend, co-worker, or family member?

Maybe you can send it to a friend or family member?

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© Melanie Redd and Ministry of Hope, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner are strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Melanie Redd and Ministry of Hope with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Blessed wife of Randy for over 25 years, mom to two great college students, blogger, women's ministry coach, speaker and author who is amazed by God's grace-

12 thoughts on “The DANGER of Losing Your Child’s Heart!

  1. Wow! This was a powerful read. One of my greatest fears is that I raise children who turn 18 and never want to come home. Shepherding their hearts and making them feel treasured and valued is something every mother should strive to do. Very inspiring post!!!

    1. Thanks, Krystal, for stopping by today.
      Sometimes a little fear of losing them will make you a better shepherd. It sounds like you are a wise woman!
      Appreciate your kind words and your encouragement today!

  2. Hi Melanie! This was such a good post! Me and my husband take parenting our two teen age daughters VERY seriously! I had mainly YES’s to your questionnaire, but this post was still very thought provoking! I’m new to your site but looking forward to reading more from you! Have a great Sunday!

    1. Hey Shannon,
      Thanks for the kind words today!
      It sounds like you and your husband are doing a great job with your teen daughters! Keep going strong!
      Praying that God will continue to bless you and give you incredible wisdom as your parent.
      And, please do stop by and interact again. It’s great to connect with you!

  3. Such important thoughts and ideas here, Melanie! Winning our children’s hearts is critical. We can do everything physically and financially for them, but if we fail to win their hearts, it can all still be lost to us. Great post! I’m sharing everywhere!

  4. I love this post! It is such a great reminder about the importance of winning and keeping our child’s heart. This is something that I speak about at conferences, and am passionate about. Winning their hearts is really the most important thing we can as parents, because without their hearts we have no influence with them.

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