How will I know if he really loves me…
The words to an old, familiar song come to mind as we launch into the topic of dating, marriage, and finding the right person.
Maybe you remember this song made famous by Whitney Houston…
“How Will I Know if He Really Loves Me?”
So, how do you know if you have met the “right” person?
How’s a girl to know if she has found the man she’s to marry?
Or, how’s a guy to know that he has met his future wife?
These are age-old questions that young adults all ask when they start dating, connecting, and looking ahead to the future.
Having some young adults in my home and in my immediate sphere of influence, I thought it might be a fun topic to cover as we move into the spring and the wedding season.
I also have talked to many of you (who aren’t quite so young) who are also considering dating again or marrying again.
You may be asking these same questions…
How will I know if he/she is right for me?
Truly, how do I know that they are “the one” for me?
How will I know if he (or she) is the RIGHT ONE for me?
So often, people answer these questions with an answer that I understand but really don’t like – “You’ll just know.”
This is true.
You will KNOW – deep within your heart.
However, I think there is so much more to this answer.
For that reason, I want us to consider some ways that we can KNOW that a person is good for us or not so good for us.
Over the next 7 weeks, we will consider several additional ways that you can truly know that a person is good for you to date, get involved with, or marry.
I’ve talked to many happily married couples, read many wonderful books on this topic. Also, I’m enjoying my 27th year with my husband.
I’ll be sharing the wisdom of many folks that I respect, the wisdom of some great resources, and some of the things I’ve learned in my own marriage relationship.
Today, let’s consider the first way you can know that someone is right for you.
This one comes in the form of a question.
Do you have PEACE about this person and your relationship?
Real peace is freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility. To be at peace is to be calm, relaxed, and filled with great contentment in your relationship.
When you are with the right person, you should be able to completely be yourself.
You shouldn’t have to put on airs, pretend, or be something you are not.
If you have found the right person, there should be a calmness and a complete freedom both when you are with them and when you are not.
Let me explain with a couple of true stories:
Kendall was in a serious dating relationship with Russell. They were headed towards the altar. She was beautiful; he was good looking. They had such chemistry. But, something was wrong.
As Kendall began to lose weight and withdraw, her friends inquired about what was up. Russell put so much pressure on her. He was incredibly sensitive to her actions and reactions, and she always felt like she was walking on eggshells.
They were both amazing people, but they did not bring out the best in each other.
Kendall was never able to relax with Russell. Eventually, their relationship ended and they both married other people. I can tell you that they are both happily married decades later.
Zach was such a likable guy, but he always tried to perform and please the girls that he would date. His parents noticed that he never really relaxed with any of the girls he brought home. They were nice girls, but they kept Zach on edge.
Then, one day he brought Mary home. Instantly, his parents noticed how calm and at ease he was with Mary.
She allowed him to completely be himself. They were a great match and are happily married today.
It’s not rocket science, but it’s a good test for couples – the peace test.
Here are a few closing questions for you to consider:
Am I really at peace in this relationship?
When I lay down at night, is there any doubt or anxiety about this person?
Can I truly be relaxed around them?
Am I able to be myself when I’m with them?
Am I comfortable introducing them to my best friends and family members?
Do I have a calm and quiet assurance that this is a good relationship for me to be in?
Does this person bring out the best in me?
Do I have any doubts or checks in my spirit about this person?
After you’ve seriously considered your answers to these questions, can I encourage you to pray about your relationship?
Talk it over with the Lord!
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
Philippians 4:6, NLT
And, please join us next week as we consider additional ways we can know that a person is right for us to marry.
If you have insights to share, I’d love to hear from you!
How did you KNOW that your girl or guy was the right one for you??
Want more info?
Also, you might enjoy one of these relevant blog posts:
Additionally, here are a few books I’d recommend for you to read:
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