Tips for Parenting Adult Children with Grace

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Tips for Parenting Adult Children with Grace

I’m not a perfect parent.

I’ve always known that, but for a long time, I thought, at least, I was perfect for my children. I don’t know if that’s true either.

But…


One thing I do know to be true.

I love them. With all my heart. I love them.

Not perfectly, but completely. Always have. Always will.

I don’t give much parenting advice here because well . . . I don’t have much to give.

Each child is unique and what worked for me may not work for you and what didn’t work for me might be the answer for you.

Since our children have been grown for some time, I do however have some advice on loving your adult children well.


Since our children have been grown for some time, I do however have some advice on loving your adult children well. Click To Tweet


Tips for Parenting Adult Children with Grace

1} Pray for them.

I’ve always asked God to bless and protect my children.

Since watching the movie, War Room, I’m getting very specific in my prayer requests for them.

I want to be in the battle for my children and grandchildren.


I want to be in the battle for my children and grandchildren. Click To Tweet


2} Tell them you love them. Often!

They simply never outgrow the need to hear the words, “I love you.”

Think about it.

You know it’s true.


3} Tips for Parenting Adult Children with GraceForgive the past.

Sure they messed up.

They may have messed up BIG, but forgive and believe God can work His plans and purposes in them.

Believe in their hope-filled future.


They may have messed up BIG, but forgive and believe God can work His plans and purposes in them. Click To Tweet


4} Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.

Your children are on their own.

Deeply personal questions can come with answers that make you uncomfortable.

Do you want to know about your child’s sex life? Finances? Or the details from last Saturday night?

If they want to talk about it, be a good listener but don’t ask.


Deeply personal questions can come with answers that make you uncomfortable. Click To Tweet


Parenting our kids when they get to be adults can be a challenge. Transitions are necessary. Here are Tips for Parenting Adult Children with Grace. #parentingadults #adultchildren #parenting


5} Give them room to grow and to grow up.

Everyone changes.

Admit it.

You’re still growing and learning.

You don’t have everything figured out. Neither do your children.

But they’re learning and growing . . . that’s what’s important.


But they're learning and growing . . . that's what's important. Click To Tweet


6} Remember, it’s okay to say, “no.”

They’re adults.

You don’t have to say yes to every request for money or childcare or whatever.


7} Refuse to manipulate them with guilt.

They didn’t call.

It’s okay.

Maybe they’re busy. Maybe they’re REALLY busy.

Give them grace, then remember phones go both ways.

Call them.

Better yet, text them. It only takes a minute to type, “I love you.”

And remember . . . it’s okay for them to say ‘no’ too.


Give them grace, then remember phones go both ways. Click To Tweet


8} Tips for Parenting Adult Children with GraceGive them the freedom to make life choices.

Career?

Where they live?

Who do they date or marry?

You know you have opinions, but it’s their life.

Don’t pressure them or make them feel you’ll be disappointed in them or that you won’t be there for them if they choose “poorly.”


Don't pressure them or make them feel you'll be disappointed in them or that you won't be there for them if they choose poorly. Click To Tweet


9} Give them freedom over holidays.

Balancing relationships is challenging.

Remember what it was like when you were trying to please your parents and your in-laws?

Maybe you still are.

It’s okay to celebrate on a day other than the holiday itself.

The important thing is enjoying time together not when you do it.


Remember what it was like when you were trying to please your parents and your in-laws? Click To Tweet


10} Give them a verbal pat on the back.

They still want to know you’re proud of them and think they’re doing a good job.

Tell them.


Parenting our kids when they get to be adults can be a challenge. Transitions are necessary. Here are Tips for Parenting Adult Children with Grace. #parentingadults #adultchildren #parenting


11} Respect their parenting decisions.

If they say no sugar don’t try to sneak your grandchild a cookie.

If their boundaries are too rigid or not rigid enough for you… remember – they are the parents. You had your turn. And NEVER disagree with their parenting approach in front of your grandchild!

You had your turn. And NEVER disagree with their parenting approach in front of your grandchild!

And NEVER disagree with their parenting approach in front of your grandchild!


If their boundaries are too rigid or not rigid enough for you... remember - they are the parents. You had your turn. Click To Tweet


12} Offer a listening ear with a tender heart.

They don’t always need advice. Most of the time they just need to know you care and that you’re listening. You don’t have to have all the answers. Just be available.

Most of the time they just need to know you care and that you’re listening. You don’t have to have all the answers.

Just be available.


Most of the time they just need to know you care and that you're listening. You don't have to have all the answers. Just be available. Click To Tweet


13} Toughen up. Avoid giving in to hurt feelings.

They probably hurt your feelings occasionally when they live at home and they may say or do something that hurts after they’re grown.

They’re not perfect. Neither are you. Let it slide.


They're not perfect. Neither are you. Let it slide. Click To Tweet


14} Respect their boundaries and expect them to respect yours.

Boundaries are good for all relationships.

Parents and adult children need to have boundaries too.

Call before you drop in.

Ask don’t expect.

Define off-limits topics.

And expect a respectful conversation.


Parents and adult children need to have boundaries too. Click To Tweet


15} Pray again.

Life is moving at an amazing speed for your children.

They need your prayers more than ever and more often than you think.


They need your prayers more than ever and more often than you think. Click To Tweet


Let me be perfectly honest with you.

I didn’t get here quickly. You won’t either.

I am completely invested in my kids’ lives. I gave it my all, and I didn’t want to let go.

But… it wasn’t about me.

It’s about allowing them to be the people God created them to be and sometimes the best way to do that is to simply get out of the way and let Him do His work.

And always remember…“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9


It's about allowing them to be the people God created them to be and sometimes the best way to do that is to simply get out of the way and let Him do His work. Click To Tweet



About the Author:

Deb Wolf head shotDeb is a passionate blessing counter who loves to study the ways faith and life intersect. This year at Counting My Blessings, she is sharing The Relationship Project – How One Relationship Affects All Others.

Deb lives in Missouri with her husband and furry child, Sadie now that all of their human children are grown and have little ones of their own. And yes, being a grandparent is the best!

She’s hoping you will join her on PinterestFacebook, and Twitter.



Have you heard about our devotional?

It’s called – Live in Light: 5-Minute Devotions for Teen Girls.

Live in Light is every girl’s guide to tackling their teenage years with the wisdom and comfort of the Bible.

From navigating the pressure to be “perfect” on social media to dating and dealing with frenemies, these 5-minute devotionals help you to become the woman that both you and God want you to be.

Discover more on Amazon.

Live In Light is every girl's guide to tackling their teenage years with the wisdom and comfort of the Bible. From navigating the pressure to be "perfect" on social media to dating and dealing with frenemies, these 5-minute devotionals help you to become the woman that both you and God want you to be. #teengirls #teendevotions #liveinlight #lighttheway



Could you use a little more Parenting Advice?

5 FABULOUS WAYS TO PRAY FOR YOUNG ADULTS

5 POWERFUL PHRASES EVERY BOY WANTS TO HEAR



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Parenting our kids when they get to be adults can be a challenge. Transitions are necessary. Here are Tips for Parenting Adult Children with Grace. #parentingadults #adultchildren #parenting

Parenting our kids when they get to be adults can be a challenge. Transitions are necessary. Here are Tips for Parenting Adult Children with Grace. #parentingadults #adultchildren #parenting


helloredds@gmail.com

Best-Selling Author | Speaker | Blogger| Podcaster | When the world is falling apart, we can ALWAYS trust in God’s goodness!

20 Comments

Becs · 02/29/2024 at 1:38 PM

These words…. couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m struggling to find grace for my 40 year old daughter who continues to make poor decisions and refuses to see her part in the messes she continues to create. I give it to God and then I take it back. I must continue to remember that He loved her long before I ever did, and continue to lift her in prayer instead of holding onto this anger and frustration.

    helloredds@gmail.com · 03/01/2024 at 9:47 AM

    Amen, Becs!
    We keep praying and we keep loving them!
    No matter what!
    Praying with you,
    Melanie

Diana · 07/09/2020 at 1:35 PM

This is really good stuff. I wish I had it a pocket size booklet so I can carry it in my purse and while waiting in line, I could glance at it time to time. I need to remember to send a text to my children to say I am so very proud of them. I am glad to read To say No when they want us to doggie sit LOL – that’s so hard to say to our furry grand-dogs. I pray to remember give them grace and I will pray for them everyday! Melanie and Deb are truly a blessing to share God’s word. May you and your family be blessed. Be safe too.

    helloredds@gmail.com · 07/09/2020 at 4:27 PM

    Thank you, Diana!
    I think Deb has done such a good job with this info.
    And, it’s an interesting “dance” that we dance with our adult kids, isn’t it!
    Sure do appreciate you and your encouragement!
    Blessings,
    Melanie

Amele · 10/22/2019 at 9:47 AM

Thanks, Deb and Melanie, and God bless you!

Marva | SunSparkleShine · 04/15/2019 at 1:07 PM

Thank you both for sharing such wonderful wisdom. I have so much to learn but with this kind of advice, I’ll be ready by the time my kids are adults.
Blessings, my friends.

    helloredds@gmail.com · 04/18/2019 at 7:37 AM

    Thank you, Marva!
    I think Deb has shared some marvelous wisdom!
    Sure do appreciate you and your encouragement!
    Melanie

Josan Louw · 09/14/2017 at 1:58 AM

Hi! My name is Josan Louw. I am very concerned about my daughter (27) and fiancé (33). They don’t want anything to do with God or Christianity. Not attending church. Not worrying about being saved. This is a big concern for me. They are staying together and both doing very well in their careers. But there is just no relationship with God. We are staying 80 kilometers from each other and I visit them once a month for a weekend. When I want to pray for food or just talk about faith, they’re getting irritated and uncomfortable. They are good people. Doen’t go out often. Love each other. And have very nice friends. Renovating the house they bought. It is just that they don’t think they need God in their lives!

    helloredds@gmail.com · 09/15/2017 at 3:50 PM

    Hey Josan,

    Thank you for stopping by to share today. I will pray with you for your young adult children.

    One of my favorite ways to pray for my kids is this, “Lord, would you draw the hearts of my children back to you. Would you woo them and win them again? Would you put some people in love with Jesus in their lives and stir them to want more of Jesus themselves? I ask You to intervene as only You can. I let go of my kids and give them over to You. You love them even more than I do. Thank You that You can do this. I entrust You today with these kids that I love.”

    We love. We pray. We care. And, we give them over to God for His care.

    Each time God brings you to mind, I will lift you and your kids to Him. He can do this!

    Keep me posted~
    Melanie

Beth · 08/04/2017 at 6:33 PM

I finally sat down to read this article and it’s wonderful. I have two adult sons, a great DIL, and two grandlittle boys I adore. It is a great perspective on parenting adults…especially needed as I will be moving onto my older son and his familys property soon…about 75 yards from their home.
It’s hard to “let go”…but I pray to follow your suggestions even more (some I do already). Thank you for the arty, thank you for sharing!

Calvonia Radford · 08/02/2017 at 6:55 PM

I needed this post. I have three adult children and two adult grands. I have been seekin God about appropriate boundaries. Thanks for the repeated instructions. They spoke strongly at just the right time.

    helloredds@gmail.com · 08/04/2017 at 11:55 AM

    It is such a great post, isn’t it, Calvonia.
    I think Deb has shared some great words about boundaries here.
    So glad you were encouraged!
    Blessings to you,
    Melanie

Kit Tosello · 07/30/2017 at 4:34 PM

Great information! I desire to parent my adult kids as winsomely as my mom. Two things she did were irresistible and drew me and my siblings to want to share our lives with her: she never hoisted expectations on us (to call, to visit, or be anyone different than who we were), and she took an active interest in what interested us. She had a curious posture toward us, always acting fascinated by who we were becoming.
When I asked my social media followers what one thing their parents did RIGHT, the theme was similar–not applying pressure.

    helloredds@gmail.com · 07/31/2017 at 8:56 AM

    You are blessed, Kit!
    What a great example your mom has set for you!
    And, not applying pressure… what a great theme for all of us parents.
    Sure appreciate you stopping by today to leave a comment!
    Blessings,
    Melanie

    Deb Wolf · 07/31/2017 at 11:29 AM

    Kit, It sounds like you are blessed with an awesome mom! It’s not easy to step back and let our kids grow into who they are supposed to be! How wonderful that your mom has encouraged you and your sibs! God bless you!

Deb Wolf · 07/30/2017 at 11:41 AM

Thanks, Melanie! It takes grace and patience to do this parenting thing . . . as you well know. AND I’m so very thankful for the grace and patience my children extend back to me!! I need it just as much (maybe more) than they do! <3

Melanie Redd · 07/30/2017 at 7:15 AM

Thank you, Deb, for a wonderful article about dealing well with our adult children!
Awesome words. Awesome advice. Very practical!
I pray that we will all take these words to heart and learn to parent with grace.
Sure am blessed by you~
Melanie

    Sarah · 07/13/2019 at 10:11 PM

    You have no idea how much I needed to hear those words and reminders..as the mother of 5. My oldest is almost 20 and the rest of his siblings are under 5. I was only 16 when I had my oldest and to say we grew up together might be an understatement. I have battled so much guilt and just recently I became a grandma. As a young mom and now….more of an older one. There is one constant…God!!! His word, His presence and His direction. Life on this earth is precious! It is limited and we all do the best we can. Thank you for the reminders. I have given my all and will forever pray for my children always. I needed the reminder to praise Him where he is at. It is so hard not to look at my son as a little boy and think of myself in my 20’s ( yeah right I know, I know). But he has grown into a man that knows more than I have given him credit for. He is an amazing father despite being a young father, and he loves Jesus. What more could I ask for? I have to trust God. Bottom line… and I am forever thankful for his Grace, and the reminder to show grace to my son and others. Thank you! I have been blessed!!!

      helloredds@gmail.com · 07/18/2019 at 1:40 PM

      Amen, Sarah!
      Thanks for letting me know!
      I’m praying that you will be filled with extra grace, hope, and energy as you parent all of your children.
      20 years old can be tough!
      May God grant you much wisdom and insight!
      Blessings to you,
      Melanie

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