We are in the middle of a series on dating, marriage, and finding the right person. It’s called “How Will I Know if He/She Really Loves Me?”
You can catch the whole series HERE
You can also take the quiz to see how compatible you are HERE.
It was the strangest conversation.
My friend had been married for over 30 years. From the outside looking in, things looked ideal and almost perfect in her life and in her marriage.
Having successfully raised 5 children, built a gorgeous home in the suburbs, and established a growing ministry in the community, I thought my friend had it all together.
But, then, she shared something with me that broke my heart.
“My husband and I have nothing in common.
Now that the kids are grown and out of the house, we’ve lost the only thing that we worked on together.
We have no common interests, no shared hobbies, and nothing that we enjoy doing together.”
C. S. Lewis expressed it this way:
“Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice.
Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travelers.”
So, that brings us to today’s key for a great dating and marriage relationship…
There must be something for the relationship to be about!
“Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
C. S. Lewis
Sadly, I’ve watched couple after couple split up after the kids were grown.
There was NOTHING for the relationship to be about.
There must be something that holds you together and something for the relationship to be about.
You can’t spend all of your time talking about the kids, work, money, and your schedules and really enjoy the relationship over the long haul.
The best marriages (those that last the longest) pass this test – they have something that draws them together and gives them a common bond.There must be something that holds you together and something for the relationship to be about. Click To Tweet
What are some of these common bonds?
In more broad terms, you might have these things in common:
A desire to grow and improve
In more specific terms, you might have these things in common:
Exercise and Fitness
You love the same sports team
You both want to win with your money
Enjoy music or movies
How you spend your free time
Both love to visit museums
You both love to read and study
For example, our friends Tim and Sanrae have taken up bike riding. They both love to travel, and now that their kids are grown, they throw their bikes in the truck and go for an adventure. Additionally, they enjoy Alabama football together.
My husband and I both like to try new restaurants, go to the movies, travel, and enjoy doing ministry together. These things keep us talking to each other and involved in each other’s lives.
Other couples have tried ballroom dancing lessons, tennis, golf, rummaging through second-hand stores, visiting museums, or attending plays at the local theatre.
It doesn’t really matter what activity you select.
The important thing is that you enjoy something together – both of you.The important thing is that you enjoy something together - both of you. Click To Tweet
So, let me ask you some pointed questions:
What do you and your person have in common?
Do you have some common ground?
What draws you together?
What do you both enjoy talking about?
Or, do you find yourself lacking in things to talk about?
Do you always feel like you are losing yourself while doing their thing?
Are you missing the common ground?
What do you do if you have no common interests?
What do you do if you find NO common interests?
If you are already together and find yourself in need of common ground, I’d like to share the advice of my good friend and fellow blogger, Deb Wolf.I don’t think compatibility is as important as flexibility. Deb Wolf Click To Tweet
I don’t think compatibility is as important as flexibility.
Rev loved all things sports and I loved all things theater and music. He loved meat and potatoes and I loved vegetables. Also, he was neat and organized and I was not. He was an Ohio State fan and I grew up in Michigan … need I say more?
I sat with him during football games and he attended theater performances with me. We’ve learned from each other and had fun doing it. Even today, he loves history and I love current events.
It’s our crazy differences that keep us talking and laughing.
We are, however, alike on the important things. We both love Jesus and love to talk about all things having to do with our faith.
“A common vision can unite people of very different temperaments.”
(You can read more by Deb at https://countingmyblessings.com/)
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.
Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.
Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
So, what about you and your person/spouse?
What do you have in common?
What draws you together?
I’d love to hear from you!
Additional Resources on this Subject
Other articles you may enjoy on this subject:
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