There must be something for the relationship to be about!


We are in the middle of a series on dating, marriage, and finding the right person. It’s called “How Will I Know if He/She Really Loves Me?”

You can catch the whole series HERE

You can also take the quiz to see how compatible you are HERE.



It was the strangest conversation.

My friend had been married for over 30 years. From the outside looking in, things looked ideal and almost perfect in her life and in her marriage.

Having successfully raised 5 children, built a gorgeous home in the suburbs, and established a growing ministry in the community, I thought my friend had it all together.

But, then, she shared something with me that broke my heart.

She said…

“My husband and I have nothing in common.

Now that the kids are grown and out of the house, we’ve lost the only thing that we worked on together.

We have no common interests, no shared hobbies, and nothing that we enjoy doing together.”

 

Common ground.

Mutual interest.

Joint ventures.

 

C. S. Lewis expressed it this way:

“Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice.

Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travelers.”

 

So, that brings us to today’s key for a great dating and marriage relationship

There must be something for the relationship to be about! What holds your relationship together? How can you find more common ground? Why not drop by the website to find out! #commonground #marriage #relationships #dating

There must be something for the relationship to be about!

All relationships.

Any relationships.

“Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” 

C. S. Lewis

There must be something for the relationship to be about! What holds your relationship together? How can you find more common ground? Why not drop by the website to find out! #commonground #marriage #relationships #dating

Sadly, I’ve watched couple after couple split up after the kids were grown.

Why?

There was NOTHING for the relationship to be about.

There must be something that holds you together and something for the relationship to be about.

You can’t spend all of your time talking about the kids, work, money, and your schedules and really enjoy the relationship over the long haul.

The best marriages (those that last the longest) pass this test – they have something that draws them together and gives them a common bond.

There must be something that holds you together and something for the relationship to be about. Click To Tweet

What are some of these common bonds?

In more broad terms, you might have these things in common:

  • Core Values

  • Your Faith

  • Common Interests

  • A desire to grow and improve

  • Work Ethic

  • Lifestyles

In more specific terms, you might have these things in common:

  • Exercise and Fitness

  • You love the same sports team

  • You both want to win with your money

  • Animal lovers

  • Enjoy music or movies

  • How you spend your free time

  • Both love to visit museums

  • You both love to read and study

Some Examples:

For example, our friends Tim and Sanrae have taken up bike riding. They both love to travel, and now that their kids are grown, they throw their bikes in the truck and go for an adventure. Additionally, they enjoy Alabama football together.

My husband and I both like to try new restaurants, go to the movies, travel, and enjoy doing ministry together. These things keep us talking to each other and involved in each other’s lives.

Other couples have tried ballroom dancing lessons, tennis, golf, rummaging through second-hand stores, visiting museums, or attending plays at the local theatre.

It doesn’t really matter what activity you select.

The important thing is that you enjoy something together – both of you.

The important thing is that you enjoy something together - both of you. Click To Tweet

So, let me ask you some pointed questions:

  • What do you and your person have in common?

  • Do you have some common ground?

  • What draws you together?

  • What do you both enjoy talking about?

  • Or, do you find yourself lacking in things to talk about?

  • Do you always feel like you are losing yourself while doing their thing?

  • Are you missing the common ground?

  • What do you do if you have no common interests?

There must be something for the relationship to be about! What holds your relationship together? How can you find more common ground? Why not drop by the website to find out! #commonground #marriage #relationships #dating

What do you do if you find NO common interests?

If you are already together and find yourself in need of common ground, I’d like to share the advice of my good friend and fellow blogger, Deb Wolf.

I don’t think compatibility is as important as flexibility. Deb Wolf Click To Tweet

I don’t think compatibility is as important as flexibility.

Rev loved all things sports and I loved all things theater and music. He loved meat and potatoes and I loved vegetables. Also, he was neat and organized and I was not. He was an Ohio State fan and I grew up in Michigan … need I say more?

But…

I sat with him during football games and he attended theater performances with me. We’ve learned from each other and had fun doing it. Even today, he loves history and I love current events.

It’s our crazy differences that keep us talking and laughing.

We are, however, alike on the important things. We both love Jesus and love to talk about all things having to do with our faith.

“A common vision can unite people of very different temperaments.” 

Tim Keller

(You can read more by Deb at https://countingmyblessings.com/)

A common vision can unite people of very different temperaments. Tim Keller Click To Tweet

There must be something for the relationship to be about! What holds your relationship together? How can you find more common ground? Why not drop by the website to find out! #commonground #marriage #relationships #dating


Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.

Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 

Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Philippians 2:3-4

Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. Philippians 2:3-4 Click To Tweet


So, what about you and your person/spouse?

What do you have in common?

What draws you together?

I’d love to hear from you!


Additional Resources on this Subject



 Other articles you may enjoy on this subject:

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/dating-your-spouse/finding-common-interests

https://www.eharmony.com.au/dating-advice/love-and-dating/important-things-to-have-in-common#.WuOftdMbPOQ

http://blissfullydomestic.com/life-bliss/finding-a-common-interest-with-your-spouse/

https://anointedtoday.blogspot.com/2018/04/9-questions-you-should-ask-before-your


Encouraged by what you read?

Would you share this article with a friend, co-worker, or family member?

Or, maybe you can send it to a friend or family member?

This blog occasionally uses affiliate links and may contain affiliate links. Additionally, Melanie Redd is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Also, for more on my disclosure policy, click HERE.

© Melanie Redd and Ministry of Hope, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner are strictly prohibited. Further, excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Melanie Redd and Ministry of Hope with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


About helloredds@gmail.com

Blessed wife of Randy for over 25 years, mom to two great college students, blogger, women's ministry coach, speaker and author who is amazed by God's grace-

12 thoughts on “There must be something for the relationship to be about!

  1. Yes! It is so important to remain committed to each other despite our differences, and then to use that commitment to encourage us to find some common ground. Thanks for these encouraging words! Blessings!

  2. Me and my husband was talking about this exact topic just the other day. I told him, I want us to work on being friends constant through our marriage, not just for seasons as a time. It feels like it could be that way with five kids in the house. We become so occupied with them that we leave each other to the side till we notice something needs to come back together. Feels like we have to work on getting us back on track all over again. I told him I don’t want a reminder of friendship to arise through strife, I want there to be in a unction in us daily to stay connected, otherwise when all kids are gone, it will just become harder and unfortunately can lead to something destructive. He laughed as he jokingly said, I was being too dramatic. For a moment we got to laugh but it did bring us into this very topic that I am thankful we go to talk about. Thank you Deb for bringing this up for marriages. It is something we should be proactive about. Just let you stating it is important to be flexible. That is so very true!! Besides God, that should be one of the most important factors in your marriage – flexibility!

    1. Amen, Carmen!
      You are wise to keep your marriage in the forefront. It’s so easy to let the kids take over!
      And flexibility is key! Great marriages involve lots of grace and lots of “give and take.”
      You guys are doing great!
      Keep going~
      Melanie

  3. This is so important, Melanie! And couples don’t often realize it until it is late in the game, so to speak, like your friend. Then it takes more than just connection. It often takes healing to bring a couple back together. My hubby and I have really worked at this for years–assigning one day a week as family day (now it’s couple day, since we’re empty-nesters) followed up by a date night in the evening. That one practice has made so much of a difference in our marriage. We’ve grown closer through the years and not drifted apart. Thanks for this important reminder and message, my friend! I’m pinning and tweeting!

    1. Thanks, Beth!
      I love the idea of family day and date night. We’ve had to be very intentional as well. It’s so easy to drift apart, isn’t it!
      Appreciate your kind remarks and your sharing!
      You are a blessing~
      Melanie

  4. Such richness here with the wisdom of Deb Wolf and the timeless words of C.S.Lewis. I’m thankful that my husband and I came together first as friends who just enjoyed being together, and now, after 28 years, we realize that we are coming into “the danger zone” with or emptying nest. One of the key moves we’ve made in the past few years is to read through the Bible together, out loud. It creates a space for us to be together (almost an appointment!) in the manner of friends according to Lewis’s description, side by side, and facing in the same direction. And when we get behind, we just have to spend longer together in the catching up!
    Thanks, Melanie and Deb, for tackling this important topic!

    1. Thank you, Michele!
      When you have both C.S. Lewis and Deb Wolf in a post – you are bound to have a great post!
      And, I do think we are hitting those marriage years when lots of couples struggle. The kids start leaving, and we need some things to hold us together.
      I love that you guys have been reading the Bible out loud together. How fun!
      Praying that God will encourage couples to find ways and work to survive the “the danger zones.”

  5. This is such an amazing post on Marriage. It will be so helpful to anyone who is struggling to find a common ground .
    Your tip that it is not compatibility but flexibility is on point .

    Marriages are thrown away in a second just because the spouse was not compatible .

    My favorite passage in relation to marriage is from Philippians 2:3-4 to lookout for the interests in others .

    Blessings

  6. Thank you Melanie for this post! I love the insight and encouragement for married couples to have a bond in their marriage and it not all about the kids,finances etc; Awesome post! Blessings my friend. Sydell

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.