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How I Found Incredible Hope in Forgiving

My husband likes to remind me that you can never judge a book by its cover. Usually, this comment comes after I’ve nudged him in church, saying, “Awe, look at that sweet couple. He loves his wife,” as I point out the arm around her shoulder.

Then, my husband, being the practical one, replies, “How do you know he isn’t mistreating her at home?”

It’s a sobering thought, yet this can often be the case.

We never really know what goes on in the privacy of one’s home.

In my own life as a child, I lived as though everything was happy and normal, but it was far from it.

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Let Me Introduce Myself

First, let me introduce myself.  My name is Nicole, and I have been married to my husband, Paul, for almost thirty-five years. We have two beautiful married daughters, one of whom has made me a grandmother twice. The grandchildren affectionately know me as “Nini”.

I grew up in Ontario, Canada, in a typical small-town, middle-class, two-parent, two-sibling home. My father worked at the local newspaper, in addition to odd jobs on the side. My mother stayed at home to raise us, and when we could look after ourselves, she went out into the workforce. 

Then, my brother, who is six years older than I, left home at seventeen to join the army. While some of his peers quit after only a few weeks of boot camp training, my brother stuck it out because he was used to strict training at home. 

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What it was like in My Home

Growing up, our father was not a positive, happy-go-lucky type of person. He leaned more towards negativity, with high expectations of his children, sprinkled with plenty of criticism. Mealtimes in the dining room were not family fun times. 

If I ate my food using the wrong hand or spoke while Dad was listening to the news, there would be reprimands, and my sensitivity just led to more tears at the table. My mom’s answer to my father’s harshness was to sit my sister and me by ourselves in the kitchen, at our table. It wasn’t that bad. There, we could whisper and laugh quietly, and be ourselves. 

Truly, we were not the “Leave it to Beaver” family! 

Although to me, my mother was the closest you could get to June Cleaver!

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Outside Our Home

Outside of the home, my dad was funny, outgoing, and talented. People enjoyed being around him. Inside my home, it was a strict and controlling environment, which kept me on edge and very compliant.

Confidence and self-esteem were never my strong suits. A father who persistently demanded the last word and believed he was always right left no room for my thoughts or opinions. 

Fear of reprimand kept me silent and fearful. Was this your experience as well? I want to tell you that God heard you.  He heard your heart then, and He hears you now! He is the God who sees you. (Genesis 16:13)

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The Abuse Began

Around the age of twelve, the real abuse began, and was left untold and unnoticed. It was like I was someone else while I was at school or with my friends. I’m thankful I was still able to laugh and live a somewhat “normal” teenage life. 

One night, years later, after my father had yelled at me, saying that he didn’t like my boyfriend, and maybe he didn’t even like me, I told my mom everything. Thank God, she believed me.

Through protective measures carefully put into place by my mom, the abuse completely stopped.

However, much heart surgery was left to be done on my father, and only God could do it. Those were the days of not broadcasting these types of secrets.

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How I Found Incredible Hope in Forgiving

My healing has been a lifelong journey. The initial years were difficult, but God’s grace and love always guided me and my family. I grew up in the Catholic faith, but in 1978, during the 70’s Jesus movement, we attended a Revival Conference called “Jesus ’78” in Carlisle, Ontario. 

Our parents embraced the charismatic movement, became born again, and led my sister and me into a personal relationship with Jesus. We learned all about having a relationship with Him, and not just a knowledge of Jesus.  It was life-changing!

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Things Changed

My dad’s heart was changed when he gave his life to Christ, but it would be a long road ahead of learning how to be a more loving, spiritual leader in the home. 

Throughout this journey of repentance and forgiveness and a new commitment to God, my parents stayed married, and we walked the road towards healing, together as a family.

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How the Abuse Impacted My Life As an Adult

As an adult, I went through times of anxiety, chronic pain, and eating disorders, but despite all of that, God sustained me in His peaceful presence. Over the years, and with the Lord’s help, I completely forgave my dad. The Word says if you do not forgive, your Father in Heaven will not forgive you, and I wanted to be obedient to the Lord.

God protected me from the statistically proven life of harm that can often plague abuse victims. I am so thankful that my relationship with God, my true loving Father, has allowed me to continue to walk victoriously in His love and grace.

There IS life after abuse!

I can’t explain to you exactly why God allows these things to happen, but I do know that He always has a purpose and uses our sufferings to help others. 

If this story sounds all too familiar, and you’re hurting (or even hating), talk to Jesus. He loves you, He hears you, and He understands you. He doesn’t want His child to remain in pain. Ask Him to heal you. Take Him to that dark place of pain, and ask Him to give you the courage to forgive.

He will send the right people to help you, at the right time and place. Forgiveness is truly living!

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My Favorite Verse

My favorite scripture verse is Isaiah 40:31,

“But those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”

Wait on the Lord to restore you. He will do it!

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Then Came the Cancer

In 1996, my father became ill with cancer and passed, just months before his 61st birthday. I can say to this day that I loved my father. This saying is often true: “Hurt people, hurt people”.

Only God could have miraculously caused me to understand and realize that I wasn’t the only one who was broken. The abusive cycle ended with me, and the pattern of causing pain was stopped. 

Only God could have made it possible for me to sing worship songs to my father while in the hospital on his deathbed, something he did for others while he was in good health. He had grown to love the Lord and walk more closely in His ways, and we often shared nuggets of truth from God’s word. I miss those times.

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How God Has Used My Story

In 2020, I felt the Lord nudging me to do something that could help spread the Gospel of truth anywhere in the world. I believe that when the Lord leads you, he straightens your path and skillfully guides you in divine ways.  I created an Instagram account called “Divinedetours”, where every day I post an encouraging Word. 

At first, I was a little nervous as I thought, “I didn’t attend Bible College. I’m not a counselor. I’m not a pastor’s wife.”

My confidence needed building, but immersing myself in the Word grew that confidence. 

Did you know that Jesus is the best bible study partner?! 

He’s given me insight and knowledge, and fills my spirit daily with content to write about, as I continually discover the richness of His word! He has become my confidence and I trust He will keep leading me.

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There Was Always Grace – How I Found Incredible Hope in Forgiving

Through many dangers, toil, and snares I have already come… Remember, forgiveness and redemption are possible with God, and His grace will lead us home! My mother’s name is Grace, and she has always been the godly encourager by my side. 

When life was unkind and unfair, she was the loving arms of Jesus, bringing me comfort. I wonder if my dad realized just how blessed he was to have this woman of God, the extension of God’s grace, standing next to him.  She believed in the faithful goodness of God to restore, when other wives could have left. She would have turned 90 in May of this year, but sadly went to be with Jesus on Easter weekend. 

This past couple of years, it has been my turn to be a voice of love and encouragement to her as she faced the challenges of old age.  God’s Grace — Amazing Grace — My Grace. 

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Closing Thoughts on How I Found Incredible Hope in Forgiving

God will always make a way when there seems to be no way. Our current circumstances don’t have to determine our future! 

Will you allow the Good Shepherd to guide you on your healing journey?

And along the way, let Him surprise you with some divine detours!

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About the Author: Nicole Dube

Nicole Dubé lives in Barrie, Ontario, Canada. She and her husband, Paul, have two beautiful grown daughters. Nicole has always loved writing, ever since elementary school when her teachers encouraged her creativity. In addition to writing, Nicole enjoys summertime walks in God‘s beautiful creation. 

She shares posts on Instagram under the name “Divine Detours.”

Truly, her passion is to guide others along with the Divine Truth and the Word of God. 

Also, Nicole has written a devotional book called “Divine Detours: Navigating the Narrow Path.” 

You can find Divine Detours on Amazon.

(She is pictured with her mom in the photo to the right.)

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