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How to Improve Your Relationship with Your Same-Sex Family and Friends

Nearly all of us know of someone who identifies as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender- whether a co-worker, neighbor, friend or even a family member. 

And If not— chances are, you soon will.

As the LGBT community continues to grow in number and prominence, the question isn’t whether or not we’ll ever meet someone who identifies as such, but rather, as believers, how will we respond to those in same-sex relationships when we do?

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How to Improve Your Relationship with Your Same-Sex Family and Friends

My sister first “came out” thirteen years ago.

Her initial announcement casually took place over lunch at a local fast-food restaurant, after I naively asked about the rainbow patches that generously adorned her jacket.

To say that I was shocked to hear her announce that she was gay is an understatement.

I was both surprised and confused. How could this be?

We both grew up in the same Christian home, attended the same church, read the same bible, and were taught the same Sunday school lessons.

Admittedly, I didn’t know what to say or how to react, and so I merely did what felt the safest- I changed the subject.

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Admittedly, I didn’t know what to say or how to react, and so I merely did what felt the safest- I changed the subject. Share on X

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A lot of time has passed since that day.

Over the years, I have watched as my sister began openly engaging in same-sex relationships, and eventually started the process of changing her gender, including dressing as a male, changing her name, injecting herself with testosterone, growing facial hair, and finally, the removal of her breasts.

It has been hard.

On the one hand, I want to cry from the rooftops, “Please don’t do this!” But on the other hand, my heart beckons me to quietly love.

I have been asked on many occasions, how our family responds to my sister’s choices. My answer is simple: Jesus’ greatest commandment was to love God, and to love one another, even as we love ourselves.

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“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”

(Matthew 37-39)

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This sounds much easier than it is.

In some cases, the gospel seems to be a foggy shade of gray, instead of a stark black and white.

I’ve always known what we are called to do. Love. But practically speaking, I haven’t always known how to.

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I’ve always known what we are called to do.. love. but practically speaking, I haven’t always known how to. Share on X

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And while I certainly don’t claim to be an expert on the matter, and I’ve not always gotten it right, I am happy to share what lessons I’ve learned along the way.  

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How to Improve Your Relationship with Your Same-Sex Family and Friends

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Love God to Improve Same-Sex Relationships with Friends & Family.

As Christians, it’s important to learn the fine balancing act of loving our neighbor, while remaining steadfast in our convictions and refusing to compromise God’s Word.

Despite what some might say, it IS possible to do both!

Jesus was the epitome of love and truth.

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Jesus was the epitome of love and truth. Share on X

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Jesus was Unafraid

He was unafraid to be in the presence of sinners, tax collectors, adulterers, and thieves. Quite frankly, I think He rather preferred their company over the religious heretics of His time.

But He was also unafraid to call it like it is. Dispelling lies, calling out pride, and overturning tables for the sake of truth.

Now, I’m not suggesting we overturn some tables and expose today’s “sinners” through the mouth of a megaphone.

Rather I’m simply suggesting that while we embrace our gay-identifying loved ones with open arms, we continue to stand firm on the truth of God’s Word.

We love with infinite grace and stand on absolute truth. Never compromise one for the other.

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We love with infinite grace and stand on absolute truth. Never compromising one for the other. Share on X

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Love One Another to Improve Same-Sex Relationships with Friends & Family.

In my experience, the LGBT community simply wants to be treated like everyone else. They want to be accepted, included, loved, and embraced.

No different from the rest of us.

A common struggle for many, but especially among Christian circles, is our tendency to see our gay and lesbian friends as a label, rather than an individual.

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This is destructive.

Labels limit the way we see others. It makes us blind and causes us to overlook the totality of a person.

How would it make you feel if every time you got together with friends, all they saw was a label?

Not very good, right?

It’s important to acknowledge that our gay and lesbian friends are people too.

They experience all the same feelings that we do.

Chances are they’ve experienced a lot more rejection than most.

By removing the labels that create division, and embracing our loved ones as individuals, we can begin the good work of loving well.

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By removing the labels that create division, and embracing our loved ones as individuals, we can begin the good work of loving well Share on X.

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Moving Forward

My sister has been in a relationship with her current partner for a few years now. Over that time, we have grown to love her as our own.

We include the two of them in all of our family holidays, birthdays, and celebrations.

They join us on our camping trips and random get-togethers, and family group texts. (Anyone else?)

We’ve even invited them to our home Bible study.

They’ve never attended, but it never hurts to extend an invite.

Bottom line, we want them to know that they are loved and that our doors are always open to them.

We may not always see eye to eye, and our beliefs and lifestyle choices may be different, but that doesn’t have to change how we love.

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Loving does not equal condoning.

It’s important to clarify the two.

While condoning the behavior is questionable, It is never wrong to love.

It’s crucial to remember that it’s not our job to save our gay and lesbian family members.

Our job is simply to love like Jesus, allow the Holy Spirit to bring conviction, and let God do the rest.

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Love Yourself to Improve Same-Sex Relationships with Friends & Family.

You won’t always get it right.

None of us do.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes over the years, as I have struggled to know what boundaries are appropriate to establish, and what my role as a loving sister and a follower of Christ should be.

I’ve done and said things in the past that I regret.

Chances are, you will too.

The good news is that we are not perfect, nor are we expected to be.

When you make mistakes— and you will— extend yourself grace. Forgive yourself quickly, and if appropriate, ask for forgiveness from the other party.

The willingness to admit when we are wrong shows that we are only human and it goes a long way toward diminishing our differences and nurturing our similarities.

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Bottom Line

Learning how to best love our gay and lesbian friends and family members can be a challenging, complicated, and messy process. But, it’s worth the effort to improve our relationship with same-sex family and friends.

What’s important is that we keep trying. We keep digging in.

• Keep the dialogue going.
• Keep listening.
• And, keep learning.
• Keep welcoming.
• Keep loving.

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Open Doors

We fling wide open the doors to our hearts and our homes.

We make every effort to show that our gay and lesbian family members are valued and that they are loved.

Trust me— they will see the effort, and appreciate you for it!

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We make every effort to show that our gay and lesbian family members are valued and that they are loved. Share on X

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Final Thoughts

My sister and I have not always gotten along.

We’ve both said and done things that have hurt the other person— whether intentionally or not.

But we have also worked hard to find common ground and mutual respect.

I’ve come to realize that most people know the content of what we believe— but what they need help understanding is the context of what we believe.

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Communication is Key!

Communication goes a long way toward bridging this gap.

Keep the lines of communication open. Be willing to ask questions, and discuss matters that are important to your relationship.

My sister and I may not always be on the same page, theologically, but we are on the same page, relationally.

We strive to treat one another with respect. We do our best to see things from each other’s perspective. And above all, we choose to love one another, regardless!

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“A new commandment I give you: love one another.”

(John 13:34)

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We strive to treat one another with respect. We do our best to see things from each other’s perspective. And above all, we choose to love one another, regardless! Share on X

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Actionable Steps

Love is a verb; an action word.

Here are a few steps that you can take today to start showing love to your gay and lesbian friends and family and improve your relationship.

• Give acceptance. Help them belong before they believe.
• Develop a friendship. Invite them to coffee, dinner, events, and more.
• R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Treat them as a human being, not a project.
• Engage in conversation. Try to get to know who they are as a person, not just their orientation.
• Listen well. Listen with the intent to understand, not just respond.
• Open your doors. Create a welcoming environment in your home.
• Write a letter. If your relationship has been distant, sometimes writing a letter to break the ice is a good place to start.
• Show up. Surprise them by being someone they can count on, no matter what.
• Be patient. Don’t give up. Relationships are worth fighting for.
• Pray. Pray. And pray some more.
  

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I’d love to hear how this message has impacted you!

Feel free to share your thoughts below.

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About the Author:

Rachel Lee is married to her best friend of 21 years and is the mother to their 8 children. Their family makes their home in the beautiful PNW.

Some of her loves include a good book, a hot cup of coffee, exploring the outdoors, spending time with family, and all things turquoise.

Rachel writes at Be Thee Inspired, where she aims to passionately pursue Jesus while inspiring others along the way.

For regular inspiration, follow Rachel on her social media channels!

Instagram | Pinterest | Facebook | Twitter

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How to Improve Your Relationship with Your Same-Sex Family and Friends

 

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