How to encourage your son – 5 powerful things you can say to him


They come in all shapes and sizes.

Some are loud and messy; others and neat and deep-thinking.

My boy stands well over six feet tall and eats us out of house and home.

He’s also incredibly kind, generous, smart, and hard-working.

And, although our boys are typically less emotional and less dramatic than our girls, they still need to hear positive and affirming words from us.

They may shrug off your attempts to hug them and affirm them, but deep inside they are listening!

So, what can you say to them?

What do they need to hear from us?

Do you have boys? Would you like to know how to really encourage your son or sons? Check out this article! #boys #sons #raisingboys

How to Really Encourage Your Son(s):

Boys need to be encouraged just as much (if not more) than our girls.

I am privileged to be the mom of both a boy and a girl. And, our girls have certain things they need to hear.

In fact, I wrote an article called, “5 Things Every Daughter Needs to Hear,” a post that you can read by pressing HERE.

Today’s feature; however, is written with my son in mind.

I’d like to share 5 ways you can encourage your son:

1) “You are LOVED!”

We love you, period! We love you as a person, as an individual, and as God’s perfect creation.

  • It doesn’t matter what you do or what you don’t do.
  • Truly, it doesn’t matter where you go or where you don’t go.
  • It doesn’t matter what you choose or what you don’t choose.
  • We just love you as you are, and nothing can change that!
  • And, by the way, your heavenly Father loves you too!

In fact, in Romans 8:38-39, He promises that NOTHING can change His love for us or separate us from His love:

“None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.”

Our boys need to hear often that they are loved and accepted unconditionally, much like the way our God loves us.

Our boys need to hear often that they are loved and accepted unconditionally, much like the way our God loves us. Click To Tweet

2) “You are GOOD at _______.” 

(Fill in the blank with at least one thing that your boy does well).

Boys need to be encouraged in their skills and abilities; they need to be verbally told that they are good at least one thing.

Feeling “significant” is huge for our boys.

Let me illustrate…

For several years, I had the chance to work in an elementary school that was attended only by boys. It was an all boys’ school.

As a young, single college graduate, I spent many hours everyday training, instructing, helping and equipping 8-9-year-old young men.

I remember one of the very first lessons that I learned about boys – they respond very well to sincere praise and compliments.

When I would offer a good word to one of my young students, I would watch his shoulders visible lift. There might be no other reaction, but the shoulder lift happened every time with every boy that I praised.

Boys need to have their “shoulders lifted” daily.

So, what about your boy(s):

  • What are you saying to the boys in your life that will lift up their shoulders?
  • How are your sincerely complimenting their hard work?
  • What are positive skills, talents, and abilities you encouraging?

For example, my son is a computer whiz.

Since he was 18 months old, he has loved to play on, tinker with and use computers. (Riley is pictured above at about that age).

We complimented his skills from the very first time that we noticed those skills. And, for most of his life, we have encouraged him in the direction of computers with our words, our time and our money.

In about a year, he will complete his college degree in the field of Computer Science and go on to create “code” and “programs” of some type with some company.

What about your boy? What is he good at?

  • Maybe he is good at sports,
  • Maybe he loves to cook,
  • Or he is great with people,
  • Maybe he is an excellent writer,
  • It could be that he is mechanical and can fix anything,
  • Maybe he can argue and debate with the best,
  • Or, maybe there is some other skill that your boy has.

Whatever his skills and interests may be, I encourage you to tell your son how good he is at these things.

Open your mouth and give that young man hope! Remind them over and over about their giftedness. And, watch for the shoulder lift.

Whatever his skills and interests may be, I encourage you to tell your son how good he is at these things. Click To Tweet

3) “God has a GREAT PLAN for your life!”

Our boys need to know that Almighty God created them as an original, a one-of-a-kind masterpiece.

They also need to hear how this same God has an amazing plan for their lives.This is a great time to share Bible verses of hope with our boys.

Here are a few that I have shared and continue to share with both of my kids:

Psalm 139:13-16

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you are breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    and you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

Jeremiah 29:11

‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’

Philippians 1:6

“being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;”

Remind your boys that God does have a plan and a special purpose for their lives.

Young men especially can “lose their way” between the ages of about 16-26.

We must speak these truths into their lives.

  • Text them.
  • Email them.
  • Call them.
Remind your boys that God does have a plan and a special purpose for their lives. Click To Tweet

4) “Life will have many CHALLENGES!”

We need to teach our boys that life will not be without its hard days, bad days and really difficult moments.

We do not need to remove every obstacle from their lives or rescue them from everything hard. Our boys need to understand what it is to work hard, face troubles and deal with adversity.

Of course, we can support them, encourage them and pray for them; but we must let them FACE real life.

As moms especially, we must not coddle them and hover over them like giant helicopters.

We must let our boys be boys so that they can become men – strong men.

And, show them how to turn to Jesus when life gets hard. Teach them to pray, to look into God’s Word and to depend upon their Savior when storms blow into their lives.

In John 16:33, Jesus promised:

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Remind your boy(s) often that life has some great challenges.

Remind your boy(s) often that life has some great challenges. Click To Tweet

5) “You were made to be STRONG, to LEAD and to WORK HARD!”

Explain the way that God set up roles for men and women, and how things are to be established in the home. You can use Genesis 3 and the story of Adam and Eve to explain these things to your boys.

I’ve listed the particular verses that pertain to the roles that God set up:

Then he said to the woman,

“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy,
    and in pain, you will give birth.
And you will desire to control your husband,
    but he will rule over you.”

And to the man he said,

“Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree
    whose fruit I commanded you not to eat,
the ground is cursed because of you.
    All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.
It will grow thorns and thistles for you,
    though you will eat of its grains.

 By the sweat of your brow
    will you have food to eat
until you return to the ground
    from which you were made.
For you were made from dust,
    and to dust, you will return.”

Explain to your boys that God made them strong for a reason.

They are to lead their homes and families well and to work hard. Teach them the importance of hard work – especially for men.

Some people may think that this is instinctive for young men, but I’m seeing a rather disturbing shift take place in this current generation of young adults.

My husband and I live in a place where we are surrounded by many twenty-somethings, most of them are newlyweds.

In many of these homes, the young women are going out and serving as breadwinners while the men stay at home and “play” or work just a little. Many of the men are becoming the primary caretaker of the kids while these wives work all of the time.

I am not against women working at all. I applaud these young girls and their willingness to give 100% for their families. So many women are incredibly gifted and capable, and I am all for women using these talents.

And, sometimes there are unusual circumstances where a wife and mom must be the primary breadwinner.

However, I am deeply concerned about a generation of very lazy, carefree young men who are not taking up the mantle and providing for their families.

God specially crafted our young men to go out, work hard and bring home provision. They are “designed” to do this.

Please teach your boys to be strong leaders, to be good providers and to get up and take care of their families.

Their future wives and kids will thank you.

how to your son infographic

Every boy needs to hear positive encouragement from their parents and those who love them.

It is essential that your boy(s) hear these 5 things:

1) “You are LOVED!”

2) “You are GOOD at _____________.”

3) “God has a GREAT PLAN for your life!”

4) “Life will have many CHALLENGES!”

5) “You were made to be STRONG, to LEAD and to WORK HARD!”

I encourage you today to open your mouth and start speaking these things into your boy’s life today.

Great books about Raising Boys!

Want more parenting encouragement?

The Danger of Losing Your Child’s Heart

7 Positive Ways to Pray for Middle Schoolers

5 Things Every Girl Needs to Hear

7 Stellar Ways to Pray for Teens

How to Powerfully Pray for that Child that is Away 

How to Enjoy Your Kids Right Now


Do you have boys? Would you like to know how to really encourage your son or sons? Check out this article! #boys #sons #raisingboys

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© Melanie Redd and Ministry of Hope, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner are strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Melanie Redd and Ministry of Hope with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Blessed wife of Randy for over 25 years, mom to two great college students, blogger, women's ministry coach, speaker and author who is amazed by God's grace-

14 thoughts on “How to encourage your son – 5 powerful things you can say to him

  1. Hi Melanie

    It’s my first time on your site. Thoroughly enjoyed your post. We have 2 sons under 5 and we’re learning to be better parents everyday.

    I’ve been inspired by your post today. Thank you.

    By the way, on the subject of boys, there is a great book worth checking out. It’s called “Raising Boys” by Steve Biddulph. I believe he is a Christian too.

    Thanks again.

    1. Hey Ken,
      Thanks so much for stopping by!
      It sounds like you are busy with those two little guys!
      So glad you were inspired.
      And, thanks for the book suggestion. I’ll check it out.
      Hope you have a wonderful day~

  2. I love this post ,Melanie ! I praise the Lord for such an anointing over you.

    I am going to save this because I am still an amateur mama raising her triplets ( 2B and 1G)

    I want my boys to be leaders in their own homes and as I raise them now may I words be ever graceful filled with valuable words .

  3. Thank you! <3, <3
    My sons are still young (1 and 3) I am so glad I saw this now!
    Can I also just say, I love your blogging style? Good organization, good supplementals, good intro + conclusion, good all around…. A pleasure to read, not to mention fantastic content! THANK YOU!

    1. Thank you, Carolyn!
      Your boys are the perfect age to start sharing these good words with! Oh, hug them for me. My boy is 25!
      And, thank you for your kind words! You bless me today!
      Please stop by again. It’s so nice to connect with you~

  4. Hi, Melanie! Heading over to check out the rest of your post. Wanted to let you know you are going to be one of the Featured Posts this afternoon on #SocialButterflySunday! Thanks for sharing and hope you have a wonderful week 🙂

  5. I really enjoyed reading your post today. I have 2 sons and 2 daughters. My oldest boy is 19 and youngest boy is 10. How I wish I had learned these lessons when my oldest was a little boy!!! This post offers great advice for moms of boys! I just didn’t know, when I first had kids, how important affirmation is to our young men (really to every child). God has grown me so much over the years.

    1. Hey Renee,
      Thanks for stopping by to leave a good word today and for sharing your story.
      It’s never too late to affirm our young men and our old men!
      You go girl! That 19 year old will LOVE the good words!
      Sounds like you are a good mom – always learning and growing!
      Keep going strong~

  6. I also had trouble with the comment section on Missional Motherhood, so I’m copying it here for you:

    Such good stuff here, Melanie. I’m taking these tips to heart as I parent and encourage my 10 year old. I love the image of “lifting his shoulders daily”. That is my goal!
    Marva | sunSPARKLEshine

    1. Sorry you had trouble over at Missional Motherhood. I’ll let them know that the comments section isn’t working well!
      And, thanks for taking the time to stop by and leave a good word here!
      Keep on loving those babies and lifting their shoulders!
      You are a GREAT mom!

  7. I followed the link, but it didn’t seem like I was able to post my comment over there. Kept getting a page not found error. So, here is my comment…. Great tips, Melanie! I do better at some of these than others. Thanks for the reminder to be more intentional about making sure my sons hear the RIGHT things from me! Blessings!

    1. Hey Liz,
      Sorry you had trouble with the link. Sometimes those gremlins get in the machinery and clog up the works!
      And, thanks for your kind words! It sounds like you are a great mom!
      Keep on encouraging those boys! Your words will make a huge difference in their lives!
      Hope you have a blessed day~

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